Open House Etiquette: The Claremont Unwritten Rules

Most open-house etiquette advice is either too timid or invented. Visitors are told not to open anything, which makes the visit useless, or told the house is effectively public, which it is not. The truth is a short list of real rules and a much longer list of things people worry about needlessly.

Here is the honest version, from someone who has hosted both the busy Sundays and the quiet ones. It extends the open house guide and pairs with the touring guide, which covers what to look at once you have relaxed about how to behave.

What you are genuinely allowed to do

Open cupboards and closets. Storage is a feature you are evaluating, and nobody has ever been thrown out for looking inside a wardrobe. Open the pantry, look under the sink, put your head into the garage.

Run a tap. Flush nothing, but running water for five seconds tells you about flow and drainage and is entirely normal behaviour.

Open and close a few doors and windows. Sticking doors and binding windows are among the most informative things in an older house, as the red-flags guide sets out, and testing them is expected.

Take photographs and notes for your own reference. Standard, and after three houses in an afternoon you will need them. Stand in rooms for a while. Go outside and look at the roofline. Walk the boundary. Come back for a second look at the end.

Ask direct questions about the property, the price history, the disclosures and the timeline. The questions guide has the list; asking them is not rude, and an evasive answer is itself information.

What actually is not on

A shorter list, and every item has a reason rather than a superstition.

Do not open drawers, bedside cabinets, medicine cabinets or filing cabinets. Storage volume is a fair question; personal contents are not, and this is the single line that most reliably annoys sellers.

Do not photograph or film people's personal effects — family photographs, correspondence, a home office whiteboard, prescription labels, anything with a name or an account number on it. Photograph the house, not the household. If you are filming a walkthrough for a partner, say so to the host, keep it to the rooms, and do not livestream a stranger's home without asking.

Do not use the bathroom unless you genuinely must and have asked. Do not eat elsewhere in the house if refreshments are laid on. Do not let children roam unsupervised — not for the seller's sake so much as for the stairs, the pool gate and the glass.

Do not bring a pet inside without asking first. Do not arrive twenty minutes after the advertised end and expect a full tour; the host has usually been on their feet for three hours and has somewhere to be.

And do not misrepresent whether you are represented. If you have an agent, say so. Which brings us to the question everyone actually worries about.

The agent question, settled

Two anxieties, both easily resolved.

If you HAVE an agent, tell the host at the door and write your agent's name and contact on the sign-in sheet. You are not being disloyal by attending alone — buyers tour open houses without their agent constantly, that is what the format is for. Naming them protects the relationship and ends the intake conversation immediately.

If you DO NOT have an agent, you are still welcome, and you are not obliged to acquire one on the doorstep. It is worth understanding that the host represents the SELLER, so their duty runs the other way; be friendly, be interested, and be a little careful about volunteering your budget ceiling, your timeline pressure or how much you love the house. That is not paranoia, it is the same discretion any sensible person brings to a negotiation.

On the sign-in sheet generally: a name is a fair ask, an agent's details are the most useful thing you can write, and a phone number is optional. The reasoning and the seller-side handling are in the sign-in sheet guide.

Shoes, and the other small anxieties

Shoes: if there is a sign or a pile by the door, take them off. If there is neither, and the weather is dry, walk in. Ask if you are unsure — it takes two seconds and hosts do not mind being asked. In wet weather, assume off.

Neighbours: entirely welcome. Curious neighbours are the town's word-of-mouth network, and a good host treats them as such rather than as time-wasters. Say who you are; nobody minds.

Early-stage browsers: also welcome. Touring before you are ready to buy is a legitimate use of the format and one of the better ways to learn a neighbourhood. Say you are early in your search, and a professional host will simply give you the information without pressure.

Talking freely: this is one to be aware of on both sides. Many homes have a video doorbell and some have interior cameras. Sellers should disclose continuing recording and disarm interior audio — California is a two-party consent state for confidential communications, and visitors talking privately reasonably expect not to be listened to. Visitors, meanwhile, should have the conversation about price on the pavement rather than in the kitchen. Both halves of that are just good manners with a legal edge.

The one rule underneath all the others

You are a guest in a home someone lives in, and you are also a prospective buyer entitled to look properly. Both are true, and almost every etiquette question resolves once you hold both at the same time. Look at the HOUSE thoroughly and treat the HOUSEHOLD as private. Ask anything about the property and nothing about the people. Take up as much space as the tour needs and none of the space that belongs to somebody's private life.

Sellers hosting rather than visiting will find the corresponding discipline in the open house guide and the security guide.

Anthony Grynchal has been licensed in California since November 2009 and has never once minded a visitor opening a closet. This is general information, not legal advice.